When It Counts

I am not trying to float my own boat, but as a child I was pretty smart about getting what I wanted.  Perhaps it was because I had three older siblings forging the way, setting examples- good and bad, from which to learn.  Or, perhaps it was because I had three younger siblings with childlike behaviors from which I wanted to distance myself.  Whatever the case- natural genius or careful observation- I was quite successful at managing situations to achieve outcomes that were to my liking.  

Now I am not going to name siblings specifically so as not to disrupt family bonds, but some of my siblings were not so wise in dealing with my parents.  Though I may have been guilty of temper tantrums a time or two, I certainly got the general idea that they were an unsuccessful way of obtaining a goal.  Here, I cannot help but confess one vivid memory of a young Katie repetitively hanging her coat on a hanger and then allowing it to slouch off each time the hanger connected with the closet bar.  There were many forced tears and exaggerated movements to prove my point that I could not be entrusted with the responsibility of hanging one’s coat.  I wasted several minutes of playtime and failed to convince my parents that I was incapable.  Other siblings attempted success by this means almost like clockwork despite the consistent results.

I learned that the more compliant my behavior, the more likely my parents would be compliant in my times of want.  Offering to set the table at dinner made me appear willing and helpful, when I really just disliked drying the dishes when the meal was completed.  Having put in my time, I was off playing when other siblings were protesting drying dishes later that evening.  Call me a brown-noser, but pleasing my parents made life a lot easier for me.

One golden rule I lived by that was imperative to my happiness was to not ask for too much, because when I really, really, really wanted something important I was much more likely to hear a "yes" than had I badgered my parents for several small victories.  It was simple.  It was logical.  It was quite successful.

My approach with God was quite the same.  Appease all of those Ten Commandment requests and only ask when it counts.  I didn’t bother Him about the small stuff- challenging history exams and the like, because when I begged him to make a cute boy like me, I really wanted Him to know it was important to me.  This even meant that as I said my nightly prayers with general requests of blessings for my family, I would leave myself out of mentioning so as not to “waste” any wishes with God.  I thought He would recognize my humility and reward me for never being too selfish.

But humility was exactly what I was lacking.  I had a very self-sufficient attitude.  It was clear that I thought I was at the head of the helm and God was only needed when the ship was sinking.  I was the captain, and He was the muscle I would command to get the job done.  Life was based on my terms, my desires, and my destination.  In my mind, God was only called to duty when I needed Him, and I was choosing to make that as infrequent as possible.  And I thought that was humble.

I steered my ship right through some rough waters.  Those times that I tried to sail through life with out God unless absolutely necessary, I was lonely, depressed, uncertain, without direction, afraid, and completely confused how I had gotten there.  After all, I was not asking God for much- just to be there when I thought I needed Him.

A humble heart is a vessel waiting to be filled with the gifts of God.  When a heart swells with pride, it leaves little room for those gifts.  We can choose to live this life calling on God “when it counts,” or we can accept that every minute counts when you are ship sailing off the course that was laid for you.  If God is at the helm, you can be certain you will stay the course and arrive at a favorable destination.


Psalm 25:9 "He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them His way."