September enters with an air of somberness. While Labor Day festivities are being held and the final ounces of summer are being relished, I reflect on the loss of a dearly loved friend. The mourning is much the same- balancing between the sorrow of loss and the comforts of the certainties of Christ. It is out of honor that I withdraw to quiet reflection on a life that taught me so much about what impact one life can have on many.
I know that for as long as I live, I will miss Craig. As I shared with you last year at this time, he was my husband's best friend, so by the rights of marriage, he became one of my closest friends as well. Some wives bemoan their husband's friends, but with Craig, I always imagined our lives playing out in tandem, despite his talk of moving to Arizona. I pictured regular weekend barbecues with debates on whose grill was better and what method was more effective, and a wife that would laugh with me at our husbands's competitive natures, and children that would grow up with mine. Those dreams I will always miss. The hole that they left will not be filled.
But I have come to realize that the sorrow is all mine (and those who knew Craig), because Craig does not mourn where he is. It is a selfish desire that wants him to miss me and my husband, like we do him. But I know that he does not. Heaven is not filled with people longing to be back here with us. Heaven is filled with people who have the fullness of satisfaction in God. There is no emptiness, no longing in His presence. Revelations 21:4 assures us, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
Craig is experiencing nothing but joy right now. This is true for all of your loved ones with Christ. Nothing in this world- no laughter, companionship, comfort or love- could add to what His loving Father in Heaven is providing. Though I mourn the loss of Craig with each passing year, the loss is only on my end. For him, there is only gain!
Heaven does not leave our loved ones longing for the desires and the people here on this earth. They joyously look to the day when we will join them in the presence of God. Physically Craig is separated from us, but our souls are one in Christ. He understands that better than we can fathom, having experienced fully that which we work toward. 1 Corinthians 13:12 explains, "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." It is difficult for me to comprehend what Craig must be experiencing so I hold on to what the Bible teaches us of Heaven, and know that there will be a day when wondering is laid to rest.
I miss the way you told stories, complete with very believable sound effects, especially ones that involved tools and opening doors. I miss the way you and Jon would become like 12 year old boys in the presence of RC Cars. I miss your laughter even if it was at my expense. I will never forget the first text message I received ever- "Boo!"- and I was terrified because I didn't know what a text message was or who sent it. You laughed so hard and I felt really stupid, but it's worth the smile now. I miss your insight. I miss your gratefulness for small acts of kindness. Your politeness was a rarity in this age. You never failed to thank me for dinner, even if it was atrocious. The last time you came over, I had botched a meal with black beans. As a novice cook, I didn't soak the dried beans first, and you crunched politely through your helping, assuring me they were fine. It sounds silly, but I've always regretted that the last meal I fed you was a poor one. I miss your joy over the simple things in life. Everything was, "Sweet!" Life was that much better when you just got a new huge toolbox that was better than everyone else's. I remember you, Jon, and I taking the boat out one night and promising to do it more regularly. You were just content to float along in silence, loving life and a relaxing moment. I miss our conversations. Every time you told me about a girl that piqued your interest, I would get so excited, hoping she was the One. I would gush to Jon about how cute you were at your attempts to make an impression; like when you asked Jon to teach you how to play the guitar because you wanted to impress a girl you met. Who was she? But the most memorable conversation for me took place one night while we were out walking. "I'm so happy now, Katie," you said, as you explained what a difference knowing salvation in Christ had made for you. I know you are immeasurably happy now and for that, I thank God. Today, I just miss you. And tomorrow I will miss you. But every day is just one day closer to not missing you anymore. With love, Katie
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