Watch and Pray

How many of you have fallen prey to the Devil's trap of self-loathing?  I would say it his most effective method of enticing me away from my God.  The mirror he holds in front of me that honestly reflects my shortcomings often leaves me feeling defeated and incapable.  There are days where giving up seems far easier than pushing forward.  This is exactly his goal.  He wants to immobilize me because he knows that in Christ I am a powerful force, so he is quick to remind me that I am self-serving, lazy, volatile, impatient, hateful, and apathetic.  He knows that there will always be days that I will find myself tangled in the bondage of these sins and I will continue to give him fodder for his case against me.

But his case falls apart each time I recall these words, "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  (Romans 5:8)  How beautiful and necessary are those words to me.  Christ did not die for me because I had made myself worthy of His love; He died for us because we had turned from His love, a love that He still wanted to pour out on us.  And that is the powerful force Satan can not reckon with.  It is the power of my God and His love for me.  For where my sin increases, grace increases all the more!  How much more should I on those days feel the relief of a God who loves me so much that He was willing to die for me when I was His enemy?  When I was fighting against Him, He was fighting for my love and He continues to fight for it, especially on the days when Satan would have me believe my luck was just about to run out.

One of the biggest obstacles in my way of daily committing my actions to Christ is my fear of failure.  I know that I struggle with being consistent, that I am easily swayed to give up when faced with a challenge, and that I have the will power of an unsupervised kid in a candy shop.  I have often considered it honorable that I do not make promises I know I can not keep.  Furthermore, I consider it realistic to examine my nature and determine my capabilities.

Do you see how this keeps me in a perpetual state of never moving forward in my relationship with God?  It is as if I am saying, "Hey God, thanks for loving me as I am- selfish, uncommitted, apathetic, and at times downright ugly in nature to those around me.  Guess You have done all You can for me and now I'll just get comfortable with accepting myself."  The Devil has me right where he wants me.  If I do not ever commit to try, I have already failed.  Most importantly, I have failed in trusting in God to be able to mold my character into the champion He intends me to be.  It occurred to me today that God is more disappointed with my unwillingness to try than He would be if I committed and failed.  Afterall, it is not the power in me that will bring about change in my life; it is the power of God working through me that will lead me right to where He wants me.

 This morning Colette and Mary were playing quietly when I heard Mary start to cry.  I ran in to check on her and Colette declared, "It's okay, Mom!  I accidentally hit Mary, so I said sorry."  Mary was already back to playing, but Colette's quick explanation left me suspicious.  "How did you 'accidentally' hit Mary?" I asked.  She replied, "Well, she knocked my tea party onto the floor so I accidentally hit her."

Of course, despite the need to turn my head to chuckle, I discussed with Colette that she intentionally hit Mary out of anger.  Although I know Colette knows the difference between an accident and an intentional act, I wonder if she really described the incident correctly.  How often do we get caught with our guard down and sin happens almost by accident?  It certainly feels that way to me on days when I am exhausted and the kids have been uncooperative and my back hurts and dinner is boiling over and my husband receives a hurtful remark from a wife that loves and adores him.  It is as if the words exit my mouth by accident; a clumsy act of the lips that I had little control over.  Or everything is going our way and then someone knocks our tea party over and our instinctual reaction is to inflict pain on the culprit.

It seems as though sin can consume our intentions before we are able to intervene.  But our own Savior recognizes this and encourages us with these words from Matthew 26:41, "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.  The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."  He knows our weakness to fall prey to sin, but He gives us guidance on how to avoid it.  First, we must be watchful, constantly on guard, especially the days when we are weary.  These are the days that test our true faithfulness to lead pleasing lives for our God.  How often do we instead excuse our sin because it snuck up on us in the midst of a bad day?  And then He calls us to prayer, because He knows that if we are in consistent communication with Him, we will be successful at conforming our hearts to the desire of His spirit rather than to the weakness of our flesh.

Scripture describes Satan as a lion prowling outside our door, ready to devour us.  What defenses are you building against that lion?  How much time do you spend with Christ so that He can build you up with the love He has for you, so you are not caught off guard by the devil's arguments that you are unworthy?  What strength are you depending on to get you through temptation?   If we are not doing what Jesus instructed us to do to protect ourselves from temptation, should we be surprised when sin keeps sneaking into our lives?  But so we might find ourselves triumphant over our enemy, watch and pray!