Blind or Turning a Blind Eye?

Because I write this blog it is evident that I claim a saving knowledge in Christ.  I told you in my very first entry that this blog is a testimony of my faith that God has worked a plan for my life and yours too.  So the words in John 9:41 have been causing me much reflection on who I am claiming to be versus who I am acting as.  "Jesus said, 'If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains.'"  Jesus was speaking to the Pharisees whom He had just accused of spiritual blindness.  This, after He healed a man who had been physically blind his entire life.  

I claim to see.  And that burden of guilt is heavy on my heart today.

I claim to see.  I write to you, professing my love for God and what He has done for me, and I earnestly hope that you will join me in that proclamation.

If I claim to love God and know His truth and His desire for my life to be a reflection of His love, then I am guilty of all of those times-the majority of my life- that I do not act on that knowledge.   

I claim to see.  But today what I see is a computer that I hide behind and write words easily because I have been gifted with the ability.  And though I think of you, dear stranger, who may read these words and I hope they bring you understanding, were I to meet you on the street and suspect your need for God's love and acceptance, I would not speak of it.  That's what I see.

From where I sit in my kitchen I can see the refrigerator filled with the goodness of this morning's grocery trip, along with the bananas, tomatoes, avocados, and pears sitting on the counter, and the pantry that is stockpiled with all the things that I stare at when hungry and grumble that there is "nothing to eat in this house."  From where I sit, I think I resemble much more the rich man whose gates poor Lazarus sat at, longing for the scraps that fell from his table, than the faithful servants described in the Bible who gave to each as they had need.  

From where I sit I can view that which I  have called blessings poured down from Heaven as a result of my faithfulness, and only today consider that they may actually be temptations from the hand of Satan.  Temptations that convince me that my comforts are necessities and keep me in a position of serving my comforts as though they are my god and distract me from serving the One who truly is.   This is what Jesus meant when He warned that it was easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to go to Heaven.  There is a lot of upkeep required for the rich's standard of living; upkeep that distracts from the work of God.  Homes and cars and wardrobes that keep us running the rat race of complacency.  And it's not just the money that keeps us preoccupied with the maintenance of these, but it is all of the time our "things" require- the yards to beautify, the large homes to clean and furnish and repair and heat and cool, the clothes to wash and press, and the cars to wash and wax.  We call it good stewardship in that we are caring for our "investments" and making them last.  Yet, all of it is eating up our time and we are satisfied with that when the harvests of God are ripe and the reapers are few.  I go to bed with a feeling of accomplishment when my home is clean and my children well-fed, but how accomplished does God view that day?

I can not write this without feeling conviction, but yet I wonder what to do with it.  Too often as Christians we can feel the pinch of guilt closing in us and use Jesus dying for our sins as our scapegoat to continue living in it.  But we have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?!  If we claim to see, but do not act on that sight, then the guilt remains.  I know we are not saved by works, but faith without works is dead.  How alive can my faith be when I look out at the rows of homes in my neighborhood filled with individuals who do not know Christ as their Savior and avoid sharing it with them?  Where was my love for Christ when the Jehovah's Witness knocked on my door yesterday and invited me to his Kingdom Hall and I politely accepted the invitation and closed the door?  Why did I not invite him to my church in return?  Why was it relief that I felt when that was all the interaction we had?  Where is my desire to knock on the doors of strangers and invite them to know God?


I have been sitting on this blog entry for days now with no way to end it.  From a literary sense, it begs a powerful ending with a conclusion of how I am going to make some change in my life to further dedicate my life to Christ.  From a godly perspective, it begs the same.  But I cannot make a commitment to you or my God that I will not follow through with.  I want to tell you I am ready, but fear is holding me back.  So I ask for your prayers that I would be empowered to do that which God is calling me to do.      I want to live my life for Him, instead of basking in His mercy.  Truly, it is by His mercy that I have the many blessings that I do, for they are not deserved.  I have not loved with my whole heart, but I want to be ready to.  


I feel like something big is about to happen.