Confessions of a Hypocritical Christian

On my last blog entry I received a comment from an anonymous reader who saw my post as evidence of my being "true to my faith."  In the open discussion that we had it was stated that I was not hypocritical because I willingly admitted that I had faults.  The comment has lead to much round the clock thought for me.  So much in one comment has left me with enough material for a series of blogging, which is why I encourage you to share your thoughts as this reader did.

So what have I been thinking?  Truthfully, it has been how much of a hypocrite I am and how much we all are.  It seems parenting has caused me to walk the path of hypocrisy more frequently.  I suppose it is because I see so much potential in my children to be better than I am.  I try to encourage them to make better decisions than I did and do.  If they do what I tell them to do, and not watch what I do, they will be fine.  Even now I see the failure looming ahead in that philosophy.

Colette, my 3 1/2 year old, seems to be the world's slowest child, born of an admittedly impatient mother, who had prayed for years that God grant her the gift of patience.  His answer to my prayer?  Colette, an opportunity to exercise patience on a very regular basis.  When Colette steps in a doorway she must observe from the doorway the entire room before taking another step.  She is unaware that the door is being held by my foot as I juggle grocery bags and a 20 pound child in my other arm, my purse sliding down my arm and catching on the doorknob.  I shout, "Move!  Move!"  Sometimes I have to nudge her with the knee of my free leg.  She is always baffled by this and proclaims, "I am!"  It's no wonder at lunch she taps the table impatiently and whines, "I don't have a drink yet!"  Half of her lunch is gone and I have not even prepared mine as I say, "Mommy's working on it!  You need to be patient!"  It's ugly, I know.

Colette has not learned patience from me.  I have failed her in becoming better than myself in that area and there are so many others.  I want her to be patient.  We talk about the virtues of being patient, but they are the words of a hypocrite.  On the days that I am more conscious, I make apologies to her for being impatient, or forewarn her when Mommy is getting impatient with some of her antics.  But most days I think I find my demands reasonable in my mind.

A hypocrite is a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs and feelings.  I am not saving myself the hypocrite label by stating or embracing my faults.  If I know those faults to be bad and I believe I should be living otherwise, yet continue to succumb to that fault, I am a hypocrite.  I am a hypocrite.  Aren't we all?

I think the heart of the matter of hypocrisy is when does it take from the truth?  For instance, if someone warns you to never start smoking as it is an awful habit; dangerous to your health, expensive and addictive, as they light up their Marlboro, does it at all negate what was just stated?  A truth was spoken that can't be denied.  It is dangerous to your health, expensive in almost every scenario, and extremely addictive.  Perhaps the effect of that truth has been diminished to a degree, but the truth about smoking still stands.

So it is with the truths of Christianity when we warn against the dangers of greed as we hold back on helping those in need and shake our fist in the face of hate and forget to look in the mirror at our inability to love our neighbor as ourself.  We know these things to be true, but if we preach it and do not live it, the weight of the truth is lost.  The truth itself remains, but our effect is diminished.  We can not preach the truth of Christ and lead unbelievers to Him, by living hate.  But the truth of Christ and everyone's need for Him still stands, even in our hypocrisy.  

I have been thinking a lot about Christianity and how it is, in my experience, the most oft-labeled religion of hypocrisy.  Why is that?  There is no single man who ever followed any religion to perfection (aside from Jesus Christ and that's another whole series of blog entries).  So why do Christians get written off as hypocrites so often?  The answer I searched for is what delayed this blog entry because it took me a long time to reason it out.  I hope that my thoughts on this will generate additional thoughts on your part as I do not claim to know the answer, but this is what I figured.

I thought about Paul a lot.  Was he not the first self-proclaimed Christian hypocrite?  "I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."  Romans 7:15  So from the start, have we Christians been doomed to hypocrisy?  Paul was stating what we all struggle with Christian or not.  Just ask anyone who has ever dieted.  They do not really want to eat that piece of cheesecake, so why do they?  It is a battle of temptation and we sinners face it everyday.

I think that Christians are labeled hypocrites because we firmly proclaim our inheritance in Heaven in the midst of our very visible sin.  To the non-believing world, a world that strives for equality and justice, the hypocrisy seems so evident.  We don't deserve Heaven!  We are adulterers, murderers, cheaters, and liars that want to lead the lost to our God.  To the non-believer we are taking another puff of our sin and blowing out smoke as we proclaim the way to Heaven.  They have already stopped listening before we get to Jesus.  Our world has taught us that we get what we deserve, so when we proclaim Heaven, it is apparent that something doesn't mesh.

It is tough being a Christian.  I don't want to deny my sin, but I don't want to embrace it.  I want to fight the good fight for the battle against the temptations of this world that await me every morning.  But it is not just an internal battle, but a battle against what the rest of the world views me as.  In order to point them to Christ, I have to be clear in accepting my ever-present need for Him.  It is easy for me to tell you that I am a sinner, because it is the only way Christ makes sense.  If I wasn't a sinner, I wouldn't need Him.  We are all hypocrites in need of saving everyday.