Thursday, August 26, 2010

Who Am I? Part 3 The Postcard

When filled with the enthusiasm that most new Christians find bubbling inside themselves, I also found myself set on a misconception that is also common in the recently saved.  I thought that my career had to be overtly Christian.  I did not consider that I could be overtly Christian in any field, giving me opportunity to shed light in the darkness.
In fact, I did not realize that at my current job at the time, I was doing just that.  I was the only Christian among many mockers of my faith.  Some of my coworkers may have associated with the label of Christianity, but fought against the very basic principles.  The job was extremely stressful and left me unfulfilled.  I thought it was obvious that now that I had embraced my faith as a Christian, I needed to move on to a position with "Christian" in the title- pastor, teacher, youth worker, etc.
Meanwhile God was giving me many opportunities to witness to those that I worked with: a young married girl committing adultery, a Jewish man who was intrigued by christianity but could "never become one, because I'm Jewish!," and a struggling single mom who insisted that if she walked into a church "the place would set fire."  All approached me because in my quiet witness of reading my Bible every lunch hour, they saw a sense of peace that beckoned to them.  Though God used me in that environment, I continued seeking employment elsewhere in the slim-pickings of ministry for someone who did not have a degree.  I was serving my church as a volunteer leading the Senior High Youth in Bible studies and was writing the studies on my own.
When I stumbled upon a freelance position in the Lutheran Witness Magazine for a writer to contribute to lessons used in Sunday School, I was certain the position was meant for me.  My simple thought was because this is what I wanted to do, it was what God wanted me to do.  I can not express to you how certain of this I was.  I worked diligently on the application and writing samples and ignored some of the blatant difficulties facing the position.  It required a week long training session in St. Louis the week I would be getting married.  Details I was faithful God could work out!  (Having hindsight of the week pre-wedding, this really makes me giggle now!)
I was more than crushed when I received the letter declining my application.  I was angry!  I believe it was the only time that I was willing to admit I was angry at God.  I had a miserable day at work that day and driving home I remember screaming, "What do you want from me?!"  I told Him how I was trying to serve Him and He wouldn't let me.  I asked why He would dangle this position in my face and let me get my hopes up if He never intended me to work in that capacity.  I asked if I wasn't good enough to serve Him.  And sadly, even questioned if He was there.  I was at the lowest of lows.  The sorrow was a weight on my chest.  It felt much like an unrequited love.  I was simply trying to love God and serve Him and I felt like He didn't want me to.
When I got home, I grabbed my mail and leafed through for some sort of distraction from my misery.  I was mildly pacified when I came upon a postcard from my friend who was visiting Germany at the time.  I read the back without taking note of the front.  It was very typical "having fun, wish you were here" verbiage, but it made me smile.  However, as I flipped the card over to view the picture, I was thoroughly annoyed to see that someone had written in German all over the front of the postcard.  In my sour mood, I grumbled about the indecency of people and wondered how someone could be so careless. The nerve, really!  But at the bottom of the paragraph of gibberish I saw, "Jer. 29:11."  A Bible verse?
It was somewhat with fear and skepticism that I opened my Bible and turned to Jeremiah.  I had just finished berating my God- What kind of message could He have for me?
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you," declares the Lord..."
I sobbed.  And I wondered how those words came to be on that postcard.  I felt the very hand of God upon it.  When my friend returned from Germany, I asked if she had written something on the postcard and she explained that her boyfriend did.  She said they had been touring an old church and Joe had opened up a Bible and copied it down because he thought, "It looked neat."  He had no idea what he was copying.  But God did.
The message that God had for me that day was a call to trust Him and a reminder that I was serving Him right where He wanted me to be.
A wise friend once said to me that we should be able to put "Christian" in front of any one of our titles- a christian mother, a christian daughter, a christian receptionist, a christian cashier.  We can not all be pastors or youth workers or missionaries because God needs christian administrative assistants, christian landscapers, and christian teachers to reach out to an unsaved world, too.  
  

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