Fighting Nature

I have several drawers, cupboards, closets, and possibly a room or two, that pose a reasonable threat to anyone that dares venture into them without being acquainted with the proper procedure of opening doors that have been used to actually restrain contents.  Let me give you a visual.  I have a broom handle that frequently comes flopping out at dangerous speeds each time I open the pantry closet.  My tupperware cupboard rains plastic debris upon the simple task of searching for a container for leftovers.  It is our practice to open these doors by turning ones face and all major organs away from the onslaught.

Have I ever mentioned I am not an organized person?  I have two sisters that are Danny Tanner by nature (is it okay to use Full House references when talking to the mainstream public or just with my family?).  My oldest sibling and youngest sibling are the neat little sandwich ends that hold in the rest of the sloppier makings of their five other siblings.  I'm not sure how this happened, but I am pretty sure it has to do with survival and birth order.  Missy and Melonie cannot function without organization.  While I admit that I would function much better in the midst of organization, I often feel overwhelmed by the many options that come with order- alphabetical, size, color, favorite to least favorite, etc.

For years I have excused my disorder on the basis that I was not gifted with the same nature as my sisters.  This actually encouraged me to embrace some very sloppy habits and accept that this was the lifestyle I was destined for.  It didn't come easily for me, therefore I determined I must not be meant to do it.  This allowed me to accept myself and not repetitively measure myself up against the abilities of my sisters and feel like I was failing in some way.

My first attempt at welcoming some organization into my life was in the area of couponing.  I realized that the more organized I was before hitting the store, the more money I could save.  It was easy for me to commit to setting aside every Sunday to clip and organize coupons and plan grocery lists because I would see immediate benefits on the grocery bill.  It floored me when people would see my coupon binder and exclaim, "You are so organized!"  Because I have had success in this area, organization has spilled over to other areas of my life.  It does not come natural.  It begins with a committed effort, continues with a lot of failure and fine-tuning, and settles in as a habit that has to be maintained with conscious effort.

So where am I going with all of this?  I do not at all intend this to be a "cleanliness is next to godliness" blog entry.  My point is that good traits do not always come naturally.  In fact, it is quite the contrary, but our nature is not an excuse to embrace poor or lazy habits.  This past weekend I had the pleasure of participating in my best friend's wedding.  The priest gave an awesome sermon on love (did you expect some other topic?).  One statement that struck me was that we are commanded to love.  I think some of us are more gifted in the areas of being compassionate and loving just by their design or experience, but the word "command" means we must do it in obedience, whether we feel naturally inclined to or not.  We so often allow love to be optional based on how we feel.

How do we conjure love?  We live in a world that convinces us that falling out of love with someone we committed our life to, happens more often than not, and that it is understandable and expected.  We live in a world that teaches us that the way we feel is paramount to another individual; we desert commitments, spouses, and families in search of our happiness.  We live in a world that accepts sinful nature as God's design.  We have adhered to the philosophy that if we feel a certain way about a person, it is okay to act on those feelings; whether it be love, lust, hate or indifference.

But if God has commanded us to love, He has removed feeling from the definition because, knowing our sinful nature, He knows that we do not always feel like loving each other.  So He is calling us to something greater than our own definition.  If you have ever had children, you soon discover in toddlerhood that they do not always resort to loving responses.  I find myself frequently teaching Colette and Mary compassionate responses to situations.  When one accidentally injures the other, I have to urge a concern on the part of the injurer.  I model an example of how they should ask the injured if they are okay and offer aid.  It is often obvious that the child really does not care in that moment, but I am creating a habit that will hopefully become adopted and the emotion will follow.

In the same way, we are being commanded to act in love where we may otherwise be void of feeling.  We are not allowed to use the excuse that we don't feel like it.  Truth be told, I think a lot of us would struggle to find loving feelings naturally aroused by an old drunken bum on the street, or an imprisoned felon, or someone that has betrayed us.  Love, as Christ commands it, is a commitment to an act, not a feeling.

I have come across a number of people in my life who have been challenging to love.  I can recall several times where my inclination told me to run in the opposite direction.  There was a particular individual who posed a health risk to me just by being in the same room because my blood pressure seemed to elevate in their presence.  Were I to share some of the details of past interactions with this person, many would tell me I was entitled to my contempt.  However, just by maintaining my composure and forcing myself into polite conversation, God exposed to me a very sad individual in search of Him.  And suddenly, there it was... love and compassion bubbling up in my heart for a person I didn't think was worthy of it.  I was only nice out of consideration for the other parties involved.  I wish I could tell you that it was out of obedience to God.  Still, God revealed to me how if we act in love even when we do not feel it, we expose ourselves to the opportunity to love as God loves.

Just as organization does not come easily to me, but requires a constant, committed effort on my part, so too must I commit to the act of love.  It is a conscious effort.  It does not always come naturally.  By nature I feel inclined to love those who stir up an emotion in my heart.  This leaves out a large majority of people with whom I come into contact.  By God I have been commanded to love everyone.  I will often be fighting against my very nature, but I will be doing it by the power of God.