Doubting Katie

Tis the season for Doubting Thomas sermons.  It seems we celebrate Easter and the joy of knowing our Risen Lord and then start "tsk-tsking" Thomas because he did not immediately accept the truth.  It's rare that the disciple Thomas' name comes up without the prefix "doubting."

Thomas was not present when the resurrected Jesus made an appearance to all of the other disciples.  They saw first-hand the wounds from the nails and His pierced side.  Afterwards they told Thomas about their encounter and Thomas honestly said, "Unless I see the nail marks in His hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe it."  (John 20:25)  Thomas was asking for nothing more than what the other disciples had the privilege of already seeing.  It was a whole week later when Jesus appeared to the disciples again, this time with Thomas present, and Jesus addressed Thomas personally by asking him to place his hand in His side and touch His nail-marked hand.  Jesus commanded him to, "Stop doubting and believe!" to which Thomas proclaims, "My Lord and My God!"

I wonder what was going through Thomas' mind that whole week where he struggled with doubt while the other disciples rejoiced at the resurrection of Christ.  While he was filled with doubt, his comrades were at peace.  Did he feel guilty that he could not take his friends at their word?  Was he angry or jealous that Christ chose to make His appearance when Thomas was not there?  Did He consider why God was making it more difficult for him to come to belief than the others?

Certainly if Thomas had been present for the first appearance, He would have believed.  Note that it did not take any coercion on Christ's part for Thomas to accept belief once he saw Him.  So why did God choose to reveal Christ to the other disciples first and allow Thomas to struggle with doubt for a whole week before He had the same revelation?  When Thomas professed his belief, Jesus responds, "Because you have seen Me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed (vs. 29)."  Did not the other disciples only believe because they witnessed the Risen Lord also?

During my brief time at college I befriended a very faithful Christian named Ruth.  It was a period of time that my own faith was being threatened.  I was struggling with a lot of the challenging questions about Christianity, like the existence of Hell and Satan, why God made us, how did I really know the Bible was true and had not been changed over time, and where did evolution fall into play with the story of creation.  I remember presenting a lot of these questions to Ruth and she responded that she had not ever considered most of those thoughts and was not concerned with knowing the answers because she had a solid relationship with God who had made Himself known to her.  Because of the evidence He had placed in her life of His goodness, she had no reason to doubt Him on the things He called her to believe in that others might find difficult.

I thought it was preposterous!  How could someone believe without having all of the answers?  I wondered why God didn't make it easy for me to just believe.  Why did I have questions that others were not asking?  I wanted to hold onto my belief, but I was afraid if I explored my questions anymore I would be lead away from what I had always identified as the truth.  Why didn't God just reveal Himself to me in a blatant manner so I didn't have to struggle with belief?  I felt like outside of a bold revelation, I had to turn my mind off to continue in belief.  But being of a more curious nature than your average two year old, this was not something I was capable of doing.  I felt denied of a peace for which I was desperately in want.

Have you been there?

I wonder if this is how Thomas felt.  It feels like a rejection from a God you are not certain you believe in.  You want to make demands to a God you don't quite believe in, so that you might believe.  But doesn't asking for proof reveal at least some level of belief?  I knew I believed in a God, because I had some evidence of Him in my life, but I didn't know how far to take that belief.  Did I take it all the way to Jesus?  Thomas had witnessed Jesus' miracles- the blind came to sight, the weather and elements responded to His commands, the dead raised to life- but how far did He take the belief in the power of the man he had followed for three years?  Can the dead raise themselves to life?

Doubt is not something openly talked about among Christians because our faith's core value is... well, faith.  It is by grace that we have been saved, through faith, not by works or goodness.  It's our faith that saves us.  So if we have doubts, are we not saved?  It is a pretty terrifying situation to admit you are in, especially among your Christian friends and family.  So we tend to keep our mouths shut and hope that at some point we will happen upon the answers to questions that keep us up at night.

Did God reject Thomas because He professed doubt?  Quite the contrary!  And that is the good news of this story.  And that is why I believe Thomas was not there for the initial appearance.  Jesus had a message for all of those who struggle with unbelief.  "Bring it to me!" He says.  Thomas did not desert his

The truth is during my time of doubt, I was not attending church regularly, was not praying, and was not reading the Bible.   The truth is I wasn't really seeking God.  The truth is I was seeking my wisdom to be my God.  What I could reason, must be truth and if that reason brought me to God, so be it.  The problem is faith can not be faith if all of the questions are answered.  It would be knowledge.  God calls us to faith in Him so that we will come to knowledge of Him.

Proverbs 2:1-6 "My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.  For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding."   Accepting His words at His word is the first step of faith and knowledge comes to follow.

As you begin any new relationship, but especially a romantic one, you are placing faith in that individual as you grow in knowledge of that individual.  I was smitten with Jonathan upon our first interaction, but it was faith in a character of goodness not yet revealed that allowed us to begin a relationship.  As I got to know him more, I had more and more evidence of character qualities that I adored.  God is asking you to enter into a relationship with Him so that He can reveal to you His qualities of being a faithful and good God, one Who loves you so much, He stopped at nothing, not even the rejection and death of His own Son to prove it to you.

The evidence is all there, but are you looking at it?  If you are not going to God for truth, who do you expect to find it from?  Man?  With all of our faults and biases and flawed reasoning?

Right after the story of Thomas is told, we find this verse, "But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in His name."  That was written for Doubting Katie.  The Bible is for those evidence seekers- the ones who need to see the nail marks and the pierced side.  Have you read it?  Or are you afraid your doubt won't stand a chance once you do...