Trusting God with More than Eternity

What will happen to me when I die, the question that left me awake in bed at night, does not grip me anymore.  I spend very little time on this thought.  In this area of my life, I have placed full trust in the promise of my God that He has secured my salvation.  To me, the evidence is clear that God laid the foundation for my eternity from the very beginning.  He knew that I would sin and fall from Him, and He would continue to love me and offer me the redeeming blood of His Son.  I do not puzzle at the truth of this.  Though I stand in awe of this, I don't question it.  It is a certainty to me.  Much like when we come to an understanding of why 2 plus 2 is 4, we find no need in reconsidering our original math.

To have this confidence in God is my foundation for my life.  I build off of this truth, that in Christ alone I am saved and this by grace through faith, not by any work that I have done, but that He did it for me.  In gratefulness, I try to model my life in certain ways.  I make an effort to grasp opportunities where God can use me in sharing His love with others.  But if I am to be fully truthful about myself, I have to confess to you that there are many opportunities I shy from, some I fear, ones I have asked that do not come my way.

Recently God has been placing on my heart a strong consideration of how much I actually trust Him.  Yes, I trust in Him for my eternal salvation, but what about right now?  It's been a rough week for me.  My father who lives 3 hours away broke his hip, Colette is sick and the fear of it spreading through the whole family with a baby arriving any minute has been consuming me.  I cannot go see my dad.  I cannot keep myself from cleaning like crazy doorknobs and cupboard handles and toilets and sinks and bed linens all in an effort to offer this baby a healthy entry in this world.  I cannot keep from barking like a drill sergeant at Colette every time she coughs, touches Mary, wipes her nose.  I have been feeling great anxiety over when this baby will choose to arrive- where I will be, how clean the house will be, how much laundry will be done, who will be available to help now that my mom is occupied with my dad, how much food will be in the house.  Meanwhile the God who holds eternity in His hands exposes to me how very little I consider that He has everything working according to His plan- a plan that works for the good of those who love Him.  That would be me.

Why can I grasp the certainty of an eternal life in Heaven but continue to get befuddled at the very blatant fact that we live in a fragile world?  Though I can sleep comfortably at night knowing that I will be held in the arms of Christ were I to not wake up, thoughts about going into labor with a sick child needing to be cared for and whether or not my dad should be championing through his rehab therapy like his is, kept me twisting in the bedsheets last night.  If I trust in Him for salvation, can't I trust in Him for the good of my family?  But instead I trust in my ability to suffice the needs of my family.  My actions declare that their health and well-being are dependent on my provision, not God's.

My very wise Pastor at Heart of the Shepherd Church recently made a statement that was such a simple truth, that were I to have taken the time to consider it, I would have come to the conclusion myself, however at the time he said it, I had never once contemplated the thought so it struck me with awe.  God cares for my loved ones more than I do!  As a mother, I like to think that no one in this world has a better interest at heart for my children than I do.  My day focuses around their care.  And yet, I fail them, most often on a selfish level when my own needs and wants outweigh theirs.  Meanwhile, there is a God who worked salvation for them.  Do I place them in His hands?  When I pray for them, for anyone that I love, is it as someone approaching a God who knows their needs better than I do, or do I take the position of needing to set God straight about our current situation and how He is missing the boat?

There are times where I feel like I am going insane trying to meet the needs of the ones I love.  I scurry around appeasing all of the small worries of this world like dirty bathtubs and bored children and neglected projects so much so that I feel like I am in a game of human pinball.  I bounce around with no clear purpose but to quiet the noise of everything that beckons my time.

In doing research for this blog entry, I looked up several passages on trust in the concordance of my Bible.  It lead me to a well-known verse from Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."  I almost did not visit this spot in scripture because the beginning of the verse was easily recited from memory, but verse 6 was what I needed to hear.  In all my ways, I need to acknowledge my trust in Him.  This world is fragile and unknown.  That which we place our trust in today- our health, our loved ones, our job, our wealth, even our own ability to reason- can be gone tomorrow.  There is no certainty in any of it, but there is a certainty in a God who will never pass away and when we acknowledge that, in all areas of our life, He brings clarity to the noise and direction down a path He carved out long before I came into being.

So whether Mary wakes from her nap running the same fever that I put Colette to bed with, or she continues on healthy, and whether baby decides to greet us now or in a week or two, I need to be trusting in the God who built the firm foundation of salvation for me AND for them.