Buried Talents

Colette has been walking since she was eight months old.  She has always had great comprehension and fine motor skills.  When she puts her mind to it, she can follow direction to minute details.  However, when asked to return a toy to her bedroom, she has this mysterious affliction that suddenly turns her legs to rubber.  And then her arms become affected too and they flop around as if her nerves are spasming and she has no control over her body.  The wailing is even more convincing.  "I can't do it!" she cries, defeat and disappointment displayed on her face.  My heart aches as only a concerned parent's would.

Oh wait... she's faking.  She doesn't want the responsibility of cleaning up her toys so she pretends to lack the abilities required to carry out the task.  I am certain most parents can relate.  This seems to be a handy little form of trickery every child is taught in that secret class they all take- "Toddler 101- How to Terrorize your Parents."  I am beginning to be convinced we do not grow out of the habit either.

Though I have received compliments on my writing, I have always graciously declined any reference to it being a gift from God.  It seemed shameful and conceited that I would claim my writing was good, much less call it worthy of God.  Recently my views have changed.  This is not opportunity to boast, as I still find much of what I write undeveloped, trite, and contrived, but I have suddenly viewed myself as a child floundering on the floor claiming lack of ability to shirk spiritual responsibility.  My efforts to be humble were actually clothing for laziness, perhaps defiance.  

God has provided me with an ability to write because He intends me to use it for His glory.  To pretend that I do not have this gift, has caused me to squander it away for other purposes, or to not use it at all.  So I have finally committed to writing a book.  For those of you that have known me for a long time, please withhold the groans.  I have been an "aspiring" author my whole life.  Thirty years with nothing produced, outside of this blog.  My motivations were shamefully wrong, and thus failed me.  I daydreamed about my book displayed on the shelves of Barnes and Noble.  Worse, I imagined speaking at the annual Dogwood Festival of my hometown, Dowagiac, MI, which has seen literary greats such as John Updike, Alice Walker, and Tim O'Brien.  I was fame and fortune seeking.  I was also uncommitted and uninspired.

This time it is different.  It is not my desire any more.  God has placed it on my heart that I am to do this in service to Him, without regard for the results other than it is in His plan.  It may never find its way to a publisher, but I know that I am writing it for the purpose of at least one person, if not simply as an act of obedience on my part.  It is no longer my talent, my glory, my will, but His.

I am reminded of the story of the Parable of the Talents, so fittingly named.  In Matthew 25 Jesus tells a story about a rich man who leaves three of his servants in charge of a large sum of money, called a talent (equivalent to over a thousand dollars).  Two of the servants doubled the money by "putting it to work" , but the final servant dug a hole in the ground and hid it so that nothing was gained when he returned it to his master.  I have buried what God has called me to multiply.

I ask that you keep my act of service in your prayers, as I often feel discouraged and am easily distracted with my day to day responsibilities, but I feel very certain that God would not require of me something He has not equipped me to do.  Time I dug up my talent and put it to work for the glory of His Name!

What God Cares About

 As I blogged about last April in  A New Prayer Journey, Jon and I have been praying together each night according to a theme.  The other day the topic was regarding finances.  We were praying for some individuals approaching retirement age, but not necessarily approaching financial stability in order to allow retirement.  Logically, we prayed that their financial situation would change soon so they could retire.  We prayed that their retirement would support their current state of living- which is very comfortable.  Even as I prayed, it struck me that God did not care.

Did that statement just give you a sour feeling?  Perhaps you have not considered that there are things that God does not care about.  Our prayers tend to be routed around what we care about- the people we care about, the causes we care about, our health, our well-being, our comfort, our fears, our career, our family.  But what does God care about?  I generally think that God has a loving interest for our concerns.  I admit it is a very bold thing to claim to know what God cares about, so let me word it this way: Do you honestly think that God is concerned about maintaining the comfortable lifestyle of an individual who does not know the comforts of Christ?

My answer is no.  I can not believe that God is concerned about an individual's retirement, when their eternity package isn't looking so bright.  Without doubt, there is one thing God cares about and that is where you are spending eternity.  That is where all of His focused efforts are directed.  Answered prayers, miracles, humbling moments, healings and heartaches are all just opportunities for Him to get us there and help us to get others there too.

Certainly God can use the worries of this world to direct our attention to Him.  And He does.  But I think we often allow the worries of this world to distract us from Him.  We pray for financial security, good health, happiness, love interests, good grades, job interviews, comfort for the grieving, and healthy babies for the unsaved, without stopping to pray for their salvation.  I am not saying that God is not concerned with the well-being of the lost, but that His primary concern is their salvation, and we should mirror that concern.  Let's not forget that these situations are often what God uses to lead them to Christ.  So if we pray for good health for our loved one, and fail to see that granted, perhaps we are failing to see the greater work that God has in this person.

Jesus could not go anywhere without a barrage of people clamoring for help, and when He offered it, He did not ignore their greater need.  "Go and sin no more!" He would often say after healing.  And He would preface many miracles by saying, "So that you might believe..."  The miracle was simply an avenue to salvation, but not Christ's primary concern.  When you are praying for others, what is your primary desire for that person?  I am suggesting that our prayer should be that whatever the circumstance, God would use it to His Glory that His Name might be made known.

In the Book of John, shortly after Jesus miraculously feeds the five thousand with five loaves of bread and two fish, He addresses the crowd that had followed Him to another city.  John 6:26-27, "Jesus answered, 'I tell you the truth, you are looking for me, not because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate the loaves and had your fill.  Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you.  On Him God the Father has placed His seal of approval.'"  Jesus was warning the crowd that they were coming to get their stomachs filled, but they were not seeking spiritual food.

We are surrounded by the spiritually starving.  Christ is the only Bread that will satisfy.  If we pray only for their worldly needs, they will be no more closer to Him when they have those needs met.  They might just be a happy, healthy, comfortable guy heading for hell.

When It Counts

I am not trying to float my own boat, but as a child I was pretty smart about getting what I wanted.  Perhaps it was because I had three older siblings forging the way, setting examples- good and bad, from which to learn.  Or, perhaps it was because I had three younger siblings with childlike behaviors from which I wanted to distance myself.  Whatever the case- natural genius or careful observation- I was quite successful at managing situations to achieve outcomes that were to my liking.  

Now I am not going to name siblings specifically so as not to disrupt family bonds, but some of my siblings were not so wise in dealing with my parents.  Though I may have been guilty of temper tantrums a time or two, I certainly got the general idea that they were an unsuccessful way of obtaining a goal.  Here, I cannot help but confess one vivid memory of a young Katie repetitively hanging her coat on a hanger and then allowing it to slouch off each time the hanger connected with the closet bar.  There were many forced tears and exaggerated movements to prove my point that I could not be entrusted with the responsibility of hanging one’s coat.  I wasted several minutes of playtime and failed to convince my parents that I was incapable.  Other siblings attempted success by this means almost like clockwork despite the consistent results.

I learned that the more compliant my behavior, the more likely my parents would be compliant in my times of want.  Offering to set the table at dinner made me appear willing and helpful, when I really just disliked drying the dishes when the meal was completed.  Having put in my time, I was off playing when other siblings were protesting drying dishes later that evening.  Call me a brown-noser, but pleasing my parents made life a lot easier for me.

One golden rule I lived by that was imperative to my happiness was to not ask for too much, because when I really, really, really wanted something important I was much more likely to hear a "yes" than had I badgered my parents for several small victories.  It was simple.  It was logical.  It was quite successful.

My approach with God was quite the same.  Appease all of those Ten Commandment requests and only ask when it counts.  I didn’t bother Him about the small stuff- challenging history exams and the like, because when I begged him to make a cute boy like me, I really wanted Him to know it was important to me.  This even meant that as I said my nightly prayers with general requests of blessings for my family, I would leave myself out of mentioning so as not to “waste” any wishes with God.  I thought He would recognize my humility and reward me for never being too selfish.

But humility was exactly what I was lacking.  I had a very self-sufficient attitude.  It was clear that I thought I was at the head of the helm and God was only needed when the ship was sinking.  I was the captain, and He was the muscle I would command to get the job done.  Life was based on my terms, my desires, and my destination.  In my mind, God was only called to duty when I needed Him, and I was choosing to make that as infrequent as possible.  And I thought that was humble.

I steered my ship right through some rough waters.  Those times that I tried to sail through life with out God unless absolutely necessary, I was lonely, depressed, uncertain, without direction, afraid, and completely confused how I had gotten there.  After all, I was not asking God for much- just to be there when I thought I needed Him.

A humble heart is a vessel waiting to be filled with the gifts of God.  When a heart swells with pride, it leaves little room for those gifts.  We can choose to live this life calling on God “when it counts,” or we can accept that every minute counts when you are ship sailing off the course that was laid for you.  If God is at the helm, you can be certain you will stay the course and arrive at a favorable destination.


Psalm 25:9 "He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them His way."

Remembering

September enters with an air of somberness.  While Labor Day festivities are being held and the final ounces of summer are being relished, I reflect on the loss of a dearly loved friend.  The mourning is much the same- balancing between the sorrow of loss and the comforts of the certainties of Christ.  It is out of honor that I withdraw to quiet reflection on a life that taught me so much about what impact one life can have on many.

I know that for as long as I live, I will miss Craig.  As I shared with you last year at this time, he was my husband's best friend, so by the rights of marriage, he became one of my closest friends as well.  Some wives bemoan their husband's friends, but with Craig, I always imagined our lives playing out in tandem, despite his talk of moving to Arizona.  I pictured regular weekend barbecues with debates on whose grill was better and what method was more effective, and a wife that would laugh with me at our husbands's competitive natures, and children that would grow up with mine.  Those dreams I will always miss.  The hole that they left will not be filled.

But I have come to realize that the sorrow is all mine (and those who knew Craig), because Craig does not mourn where he is.  It is a selfish desire that wants him to miss me and my husband, like we do him.  But I know that he does not.  Heaven is not filled with people longing to be back here with us.  Heaven is filled with people who have the fullness of satisfaction in God.  There is no emptiness, no longing in His presence.  Revelations 21:4 assures us, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."  

Craig is experiencing nothing but joy right now.  This is true for all of your loved ones with Christ.  Nothing in this world- no laughter, companionship, comfort or love- could add to what His loving Father in Heaven is providing.  Though I mourn the loss of Craig with each passing year, the loss is only on my end.  For him, there is only gain!  

Heaven does not leave our loved ones longing for the desires and the people here on this earth.  They joyously look to the day when we will join them in the presence of God.  Physically Craig is separated from us, but our souls are one in Christ.  He understands that better than we can fathom, having experienced fully that which we work toward.  1 Corinthians 13:12 explains, "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."  It is difficult for me to comprehend what Craig must be experiencing so I hold on to what the Bible teaches us of Heaven, and know that there will be a day when wondering is laid to rest.  

To Craig,

I miss the way you told stories, complete with very believable sound effects, especially ones that involved tools and opening doors.  I miss the way you and Jon would become like 12 year old boys in the presence of RC Cars.  I miss your laughter even if it was at my expense.  I will never forget the first text message I received ever- "Boo!"- and I was terrified because I didn't know what a text message was or who sent it.  You laughed so hard and I felt really stupid, but it's worth the smile now.  I miss your insight.  I miss your gratefulness for small acts of kindness.  Your politeness was a rarity in this age.  You never failed to thank me for dinner, even if it was atrocious.  The last time you came over, I had botched a meal with black beans.  As a novice cook, I didn't soak the dried beans first, and you crunched politely through your helping, assuring me they were fine.  It sounds silly, but I've always regretted that the last meal I fed you was a poor one.  I miss your joy over the simple things in life. Everything was, "Sweet!"  Life was that much better when you just got a new huge toolbox that was better than everyone else's.  I remember you, Jon, and I taking the boat out one night and promising to do it more regularly.  You were just content to float along in silence, loving life and a relaxing moment.  I miss our conversations.  Every time you told me about a girl that piqued your interest, I would get so excited, hoping she was the One.  I would gush to Jon about how cute you were at your attempts to make an impression; like when you asked Jon to teach you how to play the guitar because you wanted to impress a girl you met.  Who was she?  But the most memorable conversation for me took place one night while we were out walking.  "I'm so happy now, Katie," you said, as you explained what a difference knowing salvation in Christ had made for you.  I know you are immeasurably happy now and for that, I thank God.  Today, I just miss you.  And tomorrow I will miss you. But every day is just one day closer to not missing you anymore.  With love, Katie   

 

Time for a Diet!

My children tend to be pretty sloppy eaters, despite much coaching at each meal.  "Mary, stop dissecting your sandwich and just eat it!"  "Colette, if you pick up your spaghetti with your hands one more time, you will be all done eating!"  Sometimes only seconds have passed since saying grace, and someone has peanut butter in their eyebrows. You get the picture.  However, feed them something sweet and suddenly there is not a morsel left behind.  Upon investigation, one could surmise a meal of spaghetti and green beans had been consumed, but there would be no evidences of cookie.  Colette will literally lick a dessert plate clean if not under watchful eye.

Undoubtedly, their sweet tooth is a recognizable trait of their mother's.  Having grown up in a family of seven, sweets were treasured and evenly divvied to avoid fighting.  My sister, Melonie, and I still lament the day M&M's did away with the tan M&M as we would receive 2 of each color at candy time, and this meant two less.  My eyes have had years of training to accurately determine which glass has more pop and which seventh of the Milky Way bar is actually bigger, though my mother went to great lengths to make sure they were all the same size.  I also developed a handy knack of plotting my day around coveted food items.  A box of Golden Grahams has 8 servings.  Given we were each allowed one bowl of cereal in the morning and there were 7 of us, you can be certain that I was an early riser the following morning lest I be stuck with Wheaties.

When seeking inspiration for a blog post this morning, I found myself reading the story of young Samuel sleeping in the night and hearing his name called.  He went to the priest Eli, with whom he lived, several times, before Eli told him it must be God calling him.  Samuel waited for God to call out to him again, and received a prophecy regarding Eli's sons.  Originally I thought the inspiration for this Scripture was in that storyline, but the verse that follows is what lead me to describe my family's eating habits.  1 Samuel 3:19, "The Lord was with Samuel as he grew up, and he let none of his words fall to the ground."

My initial interpretation with this verse is likely incorrect.  My original thought was that it described Samuel's value for the Word, hence my thoughts on how my children are so careful with the food they value.  But as I investigated further, it appears that it might be referring to Samuel's gift of prophecy and how what he testified to, came to be.  Regardless, the thought of gobbling up God's Word, letting none of it go to waste, is biblically sound.  Are you careless with that nourishment?  Or is it a sweetness that leaves you seeking more?

Too often I think we are willing to accept the notion that God's Word is archaic or too difficult to understand or apply.  It washes away the guilty feelings one may have for not reading it.  But we cause ourselves malnourishment of the spirit when we feed on the "sweetness" of this world and neglect the fruits the Lord has prepared for us.  Isaiah 55:10-12, "As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.  You will go out in joy and be lead forth in peace..."  What a picture this paints!  Budding and flourishing, seed and bread, and joy and peace.  All for the one who will devour it.

When I was pregnant with Colette, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes.  I was 172 pounds at the start of the pregnancy and though I thought I was a relatively healthy eater, I struggled with my weight.  The diagnosis lead to a better understanding of the affects my daily food choices have on my health and how I generally feel.  After overhauling my relationship with food, I can easily identify overindulgence or imbalanced diet as factors in my energy and mood.  I feel so much better now that I understand the nutritional needs of my body.

Our spiritual health is no different.  What does you diet consist of?  Are you indulging in movies, music and tv shows that leave you spiritually lethargic?  Are you bloated with negativity, anger, and sorrow?  Perhaps it is time for a spiritual diet.  Fill up on the bread of life and the everlasting water, and you will be surprised how little you will desire the "food" of this world.

 

A Test of Love?

I have a two year old.  This means I frequently find my patience, endurance, and sanity being tested.  "It's all about being more stubborn than she is," I often find myself saying to the sympathetic listener, or to no one at all, but simply as a means of committing myself to the idea.  Mary has mastered two entirely frustrating characteristics of the two year old.  First, she can ignore her name repeatedly called whether you are two inches from her face or juggling a baby and dinner prep in the kitchen whilst she is exploring mischievous opportunities in the bathroom upstairs.  Secondly, her ability to play chicken with the "1,2, 3 threat" has the makings of a daredevil.  Just as your lips begin to form the threatening "three" smackdown and you are prepared to rush her off to Timeout Land, her body launches into action at lightning speed, completing whatever simple request she had been resisting.

I heard it once said that if you pray for patience, you better be prepared for all the opportunities God would be sending your way to try your patience.  Upon hearing such wisdom, I panicked.  I had been praying for patience...a lot.  I realized all of those times that I prayed for patience at the end of an exhausting day, I was really looking for respite from having my patience tried.  I did not consider that in order to grasp the concept of patience, I would have to experience opportunities that cause impatience- Mary insisting that she has to put her shoes on when I am in a hurry to leave, Colette requiring detailed explanation about why there are still kids at the park when I am trying to rush her home because Julia's diaper has exploded, the phone call that I cannot get to end despite multiple attempts to bring attention to the chaos developing in my background.

I guess it would be safe to say I do not like to be tested.  For this reason, I have often felt unsettled when reading Bible stories of God testing the faith of His followers: Job, Abraham, the Israelites when they were traveling to the Promised Land, and the disciples.  It almost appeared cruel to me that an all-knowing God would need to test those that loved Him.  Why would He need to test Abraham's faithfulness; He who knows the hearts of man?  What could knowledge could He gain of us that He did not already know?

It was years of confusion before I realized the gain was all mine.  Through testing our hearts, God learns nothing new of us, but reveals to us His goodness and faithfulness, and our own shortcomings.  How can my faith be strong if it is never exercised?  As an athlete trains his body, enduring strenuous activities to strengthen and prepare himself, so should our faith be in constant trial.  If through competing, an athlete learns of his weaknesses, he does not pack up and go home, but uses the knowledge to prepare himself better.

In grade school I viewed tests simply as opportunity to boast about how smart I was.  The grade was the end goal.  Never did I use the test results to understand my needs as a student.  Perhaps this is why I resented testing from God.  There was little to boast about and I felt defeated; another "F" for patience and no amount of prayer seemed to bring about the magical transformation for which I pleaded.  God was not simply looking for a passing grade.  He was revealing to me the cause of my impatience.  From my failing grade, He wanted me to gain lasting knowledge of self that would cause me to be a conqueror of impatience.    

As Christians we should expect trials of faith regularly.  Our attitude as they approach should be, "Lord, what can I gain from this?  How will you teach me?"  And our faith should lead us to believe that we will come out stronger, purer in heart, and prepared for the next challenge.  Let us not forget that Jesus was tested by the devil with several temptations so that we might learn from the champion of our faith how to become triumphant ourselves.    

Mountain Moved

Sometimes I feel like there is some sort of plug between my brain and my hands that stops up the flow of words swimming in my brain that are trying to get out on paper.  My blog entry from last week, "Moving Mountains," was actually a river of emotion that had been dammed for several weeks before I could express it.  In layman's term, I suffer from frequent "writer's block," but I am more convinced God is behind it.

I have often humbly considered and hoped that God has worked through this blog.  As a member of the Blogger community, I am able to view statistics regarding the number of reads my blog gets.  Of specific interest to me, I can see internet word searches that landed on my blog.  A number of times I have blogged about a topic and discovered searches with that specific content in mind, made within hours of posting, that are guided to my blog.  In these moments, I feel very certain that God intended me to write for that individual.

It was weeks ago that I began to feel like a burdensome mountain in the way of God's work.  It was so evident to me that it was preposterous how difficult I found it to reflect the thought on paper.  Writing is all about release for me; an idea seems to grow in my head, budging room for the thinking that is necessary for daily functioning until I free them on paper and find myself able to think again.  Yet, the words would not form with many a revisited effort.  So I left the inspiration tucked in my draft folder, a folder I very rarely reopen.  I am a one-draft kind of girl as proofreading assuredly leads me to believe that my writing is garbage.

So there the mountain-of-an-idea sat for several weeks in my draft box, while I blogged away about other topics.  One day while reviewing the traffic sources that lead to my blog, I was very sobered by the word search hits for that week- "Has God seen me in eternity?," "Shame of sin, unworthy of God's love," "Do we have miracles in everyday life?," and "Why do I struggle with doubt in Christ?"  My heart felt weighted by the thought that these people were seeking God on the internet, and a blog that I wrote might be a chance at finding Him.  Who were they?  Where were they?  What lead them?  And most heavily I considered, "Why me?"  Why did God lead them to me?  And had I sufficiently assured them of His grace and love?  To think that I have taken this blog lightly at times...

Suddenly, the mountain started moving.  I typed away at my thoughts of standing in the way of God's work in me and through me.  I confessed that I feel there are often deep roots linking my behind to a chair, making me a more sturdy mountain than Everest.  The idea was released and my mind set free as I clicked the orange "Publish Post" button.  An hour later, God revealed just the kind of work He can do in moving mountains- two people had searched the topic "moving mountains" and landed on my blog.

What my blog did or did not do for these people, I will never know.  What I do know is that God works through the offerings of His children when those offerings have been made according to His will.  My "two cents" offerings may not seem like much value to this world, as I am not an acclaimed writer or an educated theologian, but as a mere housewife, God can take what I offer in my writing to touch the heart of a reader and make it invaluable, only because He is behind it.

That power is in you, too.  God has equipped you to make offerings in His Name that will do immeasurable good to the soul of another.  It may be disguised in the simple- a hug, a word of encouragement, a warm meal- but given in His Name, it has the power to be miraculous.  Don't consider yourself to be a miracle-worker?  Take a step in His Name and see where it leads you.