Yesterday I posted a blog about committing to the act of love even when we don't feel like loving someone. Today I thought I would share with you my first attempt to do that.
As a stay-at-home mother, I often do a lot of staying at home, which tends to limit my contact to the general public. I initially had no plan to go out this morning, but as the day progressed smoothly and all morning responsibilities were completed, I thought we would venture out to get Colette a pair of snow boots. Everyone was chipper and cooperative as I loaded them into the vehicle. As we were exiting our subdivision, I noticed a man entering the sub on foot struggling to keep on a plastic poncho that was blowing in the blustery wind. The poncho had pockets with bundles of paper in each and from the ones that were escaping, I could see that he would be hanging advertisements on our doorknobs.
As we continued on our way I thought about what an unfortunate job this man had on such a day as this. There would be no respite from the cold and the wind would be fighting his every effort. I felt a tug to turn the car around and wait for him to make his way back to our street so I could offer him a cup of coffee. I ignored it. I had promised Colette we would get her boots today.
We continued on our way through downtown Howell and we noticed a crowd of people gathered around a monument at City Hall. It was 11:10 am. I realized the crowd was gathered in honor of Veteran's Day. I had spent time that morning discussing with Colette how we live in a free country as a result of those that served, but I didn't know about the event taking place. I thought to myself how it would have been nice to have gone in support, but finding a parking spot and facing the wind and cold with three small children seemed too challenging a task. And we were on a mission to get boots.
We arrived at Kohl's and all children were happy and accounted for as we entered the door. I sat Julia in one of the shopping carts and as I was strapping her in, Mary selected another cart. "I push this, Mom?" she asked.
"No, Honey. We have a cart," I say, unsuspecting of the trauma this would cause. A store employee had innocently ventured over to admire Julia's cuteness just as Mary fell to the floor. She started wailing. I attempted to scoop her up and explain calmly my reasoning. It was the only other cart. Other people would need it. The wailing got louder and suddenly she was flailing her arms and legs. Oh my. It was clear from the amount of staring by patrons, I needed to leave. I picked up Julia, informed Colette apologetically of my intent to leave, and turned to find Mary fleeing from me as fast as she had ever run in her whole life. I followed, all the while trying to maintain my cool and a respectable level to my voice as I beckoned her to come back. I am not sure how I must have appeared to the amount of onlookers as I snagged one of Mary's arms, causing her to yo-yo back in to me. I scooped her up in a football hold, as I was balancing Julia on my other hip, and bolted for the door that seemed miles away now. The wailing and flailing continued. Colette and Julia must have looked like angels and drawn the sympathies of everyone present.
Everyone made it safely back to the car, but I was humiliated. Suddenly, any confidence that I had in my parenting abilities were left at the front entrance of Kohl's. The child, now restrained by the straps of her car seat, seemed unconquerable. "It's okay, Mommy. I don't need boots today," Colette said, as the tears started falling down my cheeks.
I informed Mary of her consequences as we drove home. She cried and promised she would be good now and begged for me to let her go to the movie night at church. As we pulled into the sub, there he was- the man with the blowing poncho- making his way toward our street. The tug to offer some form of kindness was present again. I considered all of the excuses I had to just ignore him- Mary was still crying and needed consoling and discussion of her actions, Julia somehow was sleeping in the midst of chaos and would need to be carried to her room, I had no coffee brewing, lunch needed to be made, and really, I just felt like I needed somebody to hug me and tell me I'm loved, because those looks from the people in Kohl's communicated quite the opposite. I did not feel like showing someone else kindness!
And that is exactly what made it the right opportunity. I unloaded the children, got them settled, and watched as he made his way to my house. I went down the drive to meet him and greeted him with a smile, "How are you?" He looked at me cautiously. I suspect he was waiting for me to tell him our sub didn't welcome his marketing. "It's a cold day for a job like that!" I said, "Could I get you a cup of coffee, maybe a hot chocolate?" His old and weathered face broke into a bright smile, "Oh no, ma'am. I just ate, but thank you!" He wished me well and went on his way.
I went in the house, wondering what the point was of all this morning's events. I feel pretty certain that I was wailing and flailing in front of my God when asked to do a simple task. I will not at all imply that He had a hand in Mary's temper tantrum, but I will say He used it to make sure I understood what my real mission should have been this morning- love, not boots. And much like it is with our children, when I finally got around to obeying, I was ashamed with how simple it was to carry out the task. I think we often resist God's call to love, refuting it as too difficult a request. But the reality is, the request itself is not difficult, the denying of self that it requires is what poses the challenge.
I do not know, and will not ever know, if I made a difference in that man's day. I am holding on to the mental image of that smile as a small consolation prize. I believe that as I follow in obedience with a more joyful heart, my reward will be witnessing hearts and lives changed by the love of Christ. Today, the call to obey was not about what I could do for this man, but what I need to do for myself in understanding my life of service to my gracious and forgiving Father.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Fighting Nature
I have several drawers, cupboards, closets, and possibly a room or two, that pose a reasonable threat to anyone that dares venture into them without being acquainted with the proper procedure of opening doors that have been used to actually restrain contents. Let me give you a visual. I have a broom handle that frequently comes flopping out at dangerous speeds each time I open the pantry closet. My tupperware cupboard rains plastic debris upon the simple task of searching for a container for leftovers. It is our practice to open these doors by turning ones face and all major organs away from the onslaught.
Have I ever mentioned I am not an organized person? I have two sisters that are Danny Tanner by nature (is it okay to use Full House references when talking to the mainstream public or just with my family?). My oldest sibling and youngest sibling are the neat little sandwich ends that hold in the rest of the sloppier makings of their five other siblings. I'm not sure how this happened, but I am pretty sure it has to do with survival and birth order. Missy and Melonie cannot function without organization. While I admit that I would function much better in the midst of organization, I often feel overwhelmed by the many options that come with order- alphabetical, size, color, favorite to least favorite, etc.
For years I have excused my disorder on the basis that I was not gifted with the same nature as my sisters. This actually encouraged me to embrace some very sloppy habits and accept that this was the lifestyle I was destined for. It didn't come easily for me, therefore I determined I must not be meant to do it. This allowed me to accept myself and not repetitively measure myself up against the abilities of my sisters and feel like I was failing in some way.
My first attempt at welcoming some organization into my life was in the area of couponing. I realized that the more organized I was before hitting the store, the more money I could save. It was easy for me to commit to setting aside every Sunday to clip and organize coupons and plan grocery lists because I would see immediate benefits on the grocery bill. It floored me when people would see my coupon binder and exclaim, "You are so organized!" Because I have had success in this area, organization has spilled over to other areas of my life. It does not come natural. It begins with a committed effort, continues with a lot of failure and fine-tuning, and settles in as a habit that has to be maintained with conscious effort.
So where am I going with all of this? I do not at all intend this to be a "cleanliness is next to godliness" blog entry. My point is that good traits do not always come naturally. In fact, it is quite the contrary, but our nature is not an excuse to embrace poor or lazy habits. This past weekend I had the pleasure of participating in my best friend's wedding. The priest gave an awesome sermon on love (did you expect some other topic?). One statement that struck me was that we are commanded to love. I think some of us are more gifted in the areas of being compassionate and loving just by their design or experience, but the word "command" means we must do it in obedience, whether we feel naturally inclined to or not. We so often allow love to be optional based on how we feel.
How do we conjure love? We live in a world that convinces us that falling out of love with someone we committed our life to, happens more often than not, and that it is understandable and expected. We live in a world that teaches us that the way we feel is paramount to another individual; we desert commitments, spouses, and families in search of our happiness. We live in a world that accepts sinful nature as God's design. We have adhered to the philosophy that if we feel a certain way about a person, it is okay to act on those feelings; whether it be love, lust, hate or indifference.
But if God has commanded us to love, He has removed feeling from the definition because, knowing our sinful nature, He knows that we do not always feel like loving each other. So He is calling us to something greater than our own definition. If you have ever had children, you soon discover in toddlerhood that they do not always resort to loving responses. I find myself frequently teaching Colette and Mary compassionate responses to situations. When one accidentally injures the other, I have to urge a concern on the part of the injurer. I model an example of how they should ask the injured if they are okay and offer aid. It is often obvious that the child really does not care in that moment, but I am creating a habit that will hopefully become adopted and the emotion will follow.
In the same way, we are being commanded to act in love where we may otherwise be void of feeling. We are not allowed to use the excuse that we don't feel like it. Truth be told, I think a lot of us would struggle to find loving feelings naturally aroused by an old drunken bum on the street, or an imprisoned felon, or someone that has betrayed us. Love, as Christ commands it, is a commitment to an act, not a feeling.
I have come across a number of people in my life who have been challenging to love. I can recall several times where my inclination told me to run in the opposite direction. There was a particular individual who posed a health risk to me just by being in the same room because my blood pressure seemed to elevate in their presence. Were I to share some of the details of past interactions with this person, many would tell me I was entitled to my contempt. However, just by maintaining my composure and forcing myself into polite conversation, God exposed to me a very sad individual in search of Him. And suddenly, there it was... love and compassion bubbling up in my heart for a person I didn't think was worthy of it. I was only nice out of consideration for the other parties involved. I wish I could tell you that it was out of obedience to God. Still, God revealed to me how if we act in love even when we do not feel it, we expose ourselves to the opportunity to love as God loves.
Just as organization does not come easily to me, but requires a constant, committed effort on my part, so too must I commit to the act of love. It is a conscious effort. It does not always come naturally. By nature I feel inclined to love those who stir up an emotion in my heart. This leaves out a large majority of people with whom I come into contact. By God I have been commanded to love everyone. I will often be fighting against my very nature, but I will be doing it by the power of God.
Have I ever mentioned I am not an organized person? I have two sisters that are Danny Tanner by nature (is it okay to use Full House references when talking to the mainstream public or just with my family?). My oldest sibling and youngest sibling are the neat little sandwich ends that hold in the rest of the sloppier makings of their five other siblings. I'm not sure how this happened, but I am pretty sure it has to do with survival and birth order. Missy and Melonie cannot function without organization. While I admit that I would function much better in the midst of organization, I often feel overwhelmed by the many options that come with order- alphabetical, size, color, favorite to least favorite, etc.
For years I have excused my disorder on the basis that I was not gifted with the same nature as my sisters. This actually encouraged me to embrace some very sloppy habits and accept that this was the lifestyle I was destined for. It didn't come easily for me, therefore I determined I must not be meant to do it. This allowed me to accept myself and not repetitively measure myself up against the abilities of my sisters and feel like I was failing in some way.
My first attempt at welcoming some organization into my life was in the area of couponing. I realized that the more organized I was before hitting the store, the more money I could save. It was easy for me to commit to setting aside every Sunday to clip and organize coupons and plan grocery lists because I would see immediate benefits on the grocery bill. It floored me when people would see my coupon binder and exclaim, "You are so organized!" Because I have had success in this area, organization has spilled over to other areas of my life. It does not come natural. It begins with a committed effort, continues with a lot of failure and fine-tuning, and settles in as a habit that has to be maintained with conscious effort.
So where am I going with all of this? I do not at all intend this to be a "cleanliness is next to godliness" blog entry. My point is that good traits do not always come naturally. In fact, it is quite the contrary, but our nature is not an excuse to embrace poor or lazy habits. This past weekend I had the pleasure of participating in my best friend's wedding. The priest gave an awesome sermon on love (did you expect some other topic?). One statement that struck me was that we are commanded to love. I think some of us are more gifted in the areas of being compassionate and loving just by their design or experience, but the word "command" means we must do it in obedience, whether we feel naturally inclined to or not. We so often allow love to be optional based on how we feel.
How do we conjure love? We live in a world that convinces us that falling out of love with someone we committed our life to, happens more often than not, and that it is understandable and expected. We live in a world that teaches us that the way we feel is paramount to another individual; we desert commitments, spouses, and families in search of our happiness. We live in a world that accepts sinful nature as God's design. We have adhered to the philosophy that if we feel a certain way about a person, it is okay to act on those feelings; whether it be love, lust, hate or indifference.
But if God has commanded us to love, He has removed feeling from the definition because, knowing our sinful nature, He knows that we do not always feel like loving each other. So He is calling us to something greater than our own definition. If you have ever had children, you soon discover in toddlerhood that they do not always resort to loving responses. I find myself frequently teaching Colette and Mary compassionate responses to situations. When one accidentally injures the other, I have to urge a concern on the part of the injurer. I model an example of how they should ask the injured if they are okay and offer aid. It is often obvious that the child really does not care in that moment, but I am creating a habit that will hopefully become adopted and the emotion will follow.
In the same way, we are being commanded to act in love where we may otherwise be void of feeling. We are not allowed to use the excuse that we don't feel like it. Truth be told, I think a lot of us would struggle to find loving feelings naturally aroused by an old drunken bum on the street, or an imprisoned felon, or someone that has betrayed us. Love, as Christ commands it, is a commitment to an act, not a feeling.
I have come across a number of people in my life who have been challenging to love. I can recall several times where my inclination told me to run in the opposite direction. There was a particular individual who posed a health risk to me just by being in the same room because my blood pressure seemed to elevate in their presence. Were I to share some of the details of past interactions with this person, many would tell me I was entitled to my contempt. However, just by maintaining my composure and forcing myself into polite conversation, God exposed to me a very sad individual in search of Him. And suddenly, there it was... love and compassion bubbling up in my heart for a person I didn't think was worthy of it. I was only nice out of consideration for the other parties involved. I wish I could tell you that it was out of obedience to God. Still, God revealed to me how if we act in love even when we do not feel it, we expose ourselves to the opportunity to love as God loves.
Just as organization does not come easily to me, but requires a constant, committed effort on my part, so too must I commit to the act of love. It is a conscious effort. It does not always come naturally. By nature I feel inclined to love those who stir up an emotion in my heart. This leaves out a large majority of people with whom I come into contact. By God I have been commanded to love everyone. I will often be fighting against my very nature, but I will be doing it by the power of God.
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