Buried Talents

Colette has been walking since she was eight months old.  She has always had great comprehension and fine motor skills.  When she puts her mind to it, she can follow direction to minute details.  However, when asked to return a toy to her bedroom, she has this mysterious affliction that suddenly turns her legs to rubber.  And then her arms become affected too and they flop around as if her nerves are spasming and she has no control over her body.  The wailing is even more convincing.  "I can't do it!" she cries, defeat and disappointment displayed on her face.  My heart aches as only a concerned parent's would.

Oh wait... she's faking.  She doesn't want the responsibility of cleaning up her toys so she pretends to lack the abilities required to carry out the task.  I am certain most parents can relate.  This seems to be a handy little form of trickery every child is taught in that secret class they all take- "Toddler 101- How to Terrorize your Parents."  I am beginning to be convinced we do not grow out of the habit either.

Though I have received compliments on my writing, I have always graciously declined any reference to it being a gift from God.  It seemed shameful and conceited that I would claim my writing was good, much less call it worthy of God.  Recently my views have changed.  This is not opportunity to boast, as I still find much of what I write undeveloped, trite, and contrived, but I have suddenly viewed myself as a child floundering on the floor claiming lack of ability to shirk spiritual responsibility.  My efforts to be humble were actually clothing for laziness, perhaps defiance.  

God has provided me with an ability to write because He intends me to use it for His glory.  To pretend that I do not have this gift, has caused me to squander it away for other purposes, or to not use it at all.  So I have finally committed to writing a book.  For those of you that have known me for a long time, please withhold the groans.  I have been an "aspiring" author my whole life.  Thirty years with nothing produced, outside of this blog.  My motivations were shamefully wrong, and thus failed me.  I daydreamed about my book displayed on the shelves of Barnes and Noble.  Worse, I imagined speaking at the annual Dogwood Festival of my hometown, Dowagiac, MI, which has seen literary greats such as John Updike, Alice Walker, and Tim O'Brien.  I was fame and fortune seeking.  I was also uncommitted and uninspired.

This time it is different.  It is not my desire any more.  God has placed it on my heart that I am to do this in service to Him, without regard for the results other than it is in His plan.  It may never find its way to a publisher, but I know that I am writing it for the purpose of at least one person, if not simply as an act of obedience on my part.  It is no longer my talent, my glory, my will, but His.

I am reminded of the story of the Parable of the Talents, so fittingly named.  In Matthew 25 Jesus tells a story about a rich man who leaves three of his servants in charge of a large sum of money, called a talent (equivalent to over a thousand dollars).  Two of the servants doubled the money by "putting it to work" , but the final servant dug a hole in the ground and hid it so that nothing was gained when he returned it to his master.  I have buried what God has called me to multiply.

I ask that you keep my act of service in your prayers, as I often feel discouraged and am easily distracted with my day to day responsibilities, but I feel very certain that God would not require of me something He has not equipped me to do.  Time I dug up my talent and put it to work for the glory of His Name!

What God Cares About

 As I blogged about last April in  A New Prayer Journey, Jon and I have been praying together each night according to a theme.  The other day the topic was regarding finances.  We were praying for some individuals approaching retirement age, but not necessarily approaching financial stability in order to allow retirement.  Logically, we prayed that their financial situation would change soon so they could retire.  We prayed that their retirement would support their current state of living- which is very comfortable.  Even as I prayed, it struck me that God did not care.

Did that statement just give you a sour feeling?  Perhaps you have not considered that there are things that God does not care about.  Our prayers tend to be routed around what we care about- the people we care about, the causes we care about, our health, our well-being, our comfort, our fears, our career, our family.  But what does God care about?  I generally think that God has a loving interest for our concerns.  I admit it is a very bold thing to claim to know what God cares about, so let me word it this way: Do you honestly think that God is concerned about maintaining the comfortable lifestyle of an individual who does not know the comforts of Christ?

My answer is no.  I can not believe that God is concerned about an individual's retirement, when their eternity package isn't looking so bright.  Without doubt, there is one thing God cares about and that is where you are spending eternity.  That is where all of His focused efforts are directed.  Answered prayers, miracles, humbling moments, healings and heartaches are all just opportunities for Him to get us there and help us to get others there too.

Certainly God can use the worries of this world to direct our attention to Him.  And He does.  But I think we often allow the worries of this world to distract us from Him.  We pray for financial security, good health, happiness, love interests, good grades, job interviews, comfort for the grieving, and healthy babies for the unsaved, without stopping to pray for their salvation.  I am not saying that God is not concerned with the well-being of the lost, but that His primary concern is their salvation, and we should mirror that concern.  Let's not forget that these situations are often what God uses to lead them to Christ.  So if we pray for good health for our loved one, and fail to see that granted, perhaps we are failing to see the greater work that God has in this person.

Jesus could not go anywhere without a barrage of people clamoring for help, and when He offered it, He did not ignore their greater need.  "Go and sin no more!" He would often say after healing.  And He would preface many miracles by saying, "So that you might believe..."  The miracle was simply an avenue to salvation, but not Christ's primary concern.  When you are praying for others, what is your primary desire for that person?  I am suggesting that our prayer should be that whatever the circumstance, God would use it to His Glory that His Name might be made known.

In the Book of John, shortly after Jesus miraculously feeds the five thousand with five loaves of bread and two fish, He addresses the crowd that had followed Him to another city.  John 6:26-27, "Jesus answered, 'I tell you the truth, you are looking for me, not because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate the loaves and had your fill.  Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you.  On Him God the Father has placed His seal of approval.'"  Jesus was warning the crowd that they were coming to get their stomachs filled, but they were not seeking spiritual food.

We are surrounded by the spiritually starving.  Christ is the only Bread that will satisfy.  If we pray only for their worldly needs, they will be no more closer to Him when they have those needs met.  They might just be a happy, healthy, comfortable guy heading for hell.

When It Counts

I am not trying to float my own boat, but as a child I was pretty smart about getting what I wanted.  Perhaps it was because I had three older siblings forging the way, setting examples- good and bad, from which to learn.  Or, perhaps it was because I had three younger siblings with childlike behaviors from which I wanted to distance myself.  Whatever the case- natural genius or careful observation- I was quite successful at managing situations to achieve outcomes that were to my liking.  

Now I am not going to name siblings specifically so as not to disrupt family bonds, but some of my siblings were not so wise in dealing with my parents.  Though I may have been guilty of temper tantrums a time or two, I certainly got the general idea that they were an unsuccessful way of obtaining a goal.  Here, I cannot help but confess one vivid memory of a young Katie repetitively hanging her coat on a hanger and then allowing it to slouch off each time the hanger connected with the closet bar.  There were many forced tears and exaggerated movements to prove my point that I could not be entrusted with the responsibility of hanging one’s coat.  I wasted several minutes of playtime and failed to convince my parents that I was incapable.  Other siblings attempted success by this means almost like clockwork despite the consistent results.

I learned that the more compliant my behavior, the more likely my parents would be compliant in my times of want.  Offering to set the table at dinner made me appear willing and helpful, when I really just disliked drying the dishes when the meal was completed.  Having put in my time, I was off playing when other siblings were protesting drying dishes later that evening.  Call me a brown-noser, but pleasing my parents made life a lot easier for me.

One golden rule I lived by that was imperative to my happiness was to not ask for too much, because when I really, really, really wanted something important I was much more likely to hear a "yes" than had I badgered my parents for several small victories.  It was simple.  It was logical.  It was quite successful.

My approach with God was quite the same.  Appease all of those Ten Commandment requests and only ask when it counts.  I didn’t bother Him about the small stuff- challenging history exams and the like, because when I begged him to make a cute boy like me, I really wanted Him to know it was important to me.  This even meant that as I said my nightly prayers with general requests of blessings for my family, I would leave myself out of mentioning so as not to “waste” any wishes with God.  I thought He would recognize my humility and reward me for never being too selfish.

But humility was exactly what I was lacking.  I had a very self-sufficient attitude.  It was clear that I thought I was at the head of the helm and God was only needed when the ship was sinking.  I was the captain, and He was the muscle I would command to get the job done.  Life was based on my terms, my desires, and my destination.  In my mind, God was only called to duty when I needed Him, and I was choosing to make that as infrequent as possible.  And I thought that was humble.

I steered my ship right through some rough waters.  Those times that I tried to sail through life with out God unless absolutely necessary, I was lonely, depressed, uncertain, without direction, afraid, and completely confused how I had gotten there.  After all, I was not asking God for much- just to be there when I thought I needed Him.

A humble heart is a vessel waiting to be filled with the gifts of God.  When a heart swells with pride, it leaves little room for those gifts.  We can choose to live this life calling on God “when it counts,” or we can accept that every minute counts when you are ship sailing off the course that was laid for you.  If God is at the helm, you can be certain you will stay the course and arrive at a favorable destination.


Psalm 25:9 "He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them His way."

Remembering

September enters with an air of somberness.  While Labor Day festivities are being held and the final ounces of summer are being relished, I reflect on the loss of a dearly loved friend.  The mourning is much the same- balancing between the sorrow of loss and the comforts of the certainties of Christ.  It is out of honor that I withdraw to quiet reflection on a life that taught me so much about what impact one life can have on many.

I know that for as long as I live, I will miss Craig.  As I shared with you last year at this time, he was my husband's best friend, so by the rights of marriage, he became one of my closest friends as well.  Some wives bemoan their husband's friends, but with Craig, I always imagined our lives playing out in tandem, despite his talk of moving to Arizona.  I pictured regular weekend barbecues with debates on whose grill was better and what method was more effective, and a wife that would laugh with me at our husbands's competitive natures, and children that would grow up with mine.  Those dreams I will always miss.  The hole that they left will not be filled.

But I have come to realize that the sorrow is all mine (and those who knew Craig), because Craig does not mourn where he is.  It is a selfish desire that wants him to miss me and my husband, like we do him.  But I know that he does not.  Heaven is not filled with people longing to be back here with us.  Heaven is filled with people who have the fullness of satisfaction in God.  There is no emptiness, no longing in His presence.  Revelations 21:4 assures us, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."  

Craig is experiencing nothing but joy right now.  This is true for all of your loved ones with Christ.  Nothing in this world- no laughter, companionship, comfort or love- could add to what His loving Father in Heaven is providing.  Though I mourn the loss of Craig with each passing year, the loss is only on my end.  For him, there is only gain!  

Heaven does not leave our loved ones longing for the desires and the people here on this earth.  They joyously look to the day when we will join them in the presence of God.  Physically Craig is separated from us, but our souls are one in Christ.  He understands that better than we can fathom, having experienced fully that which we work toward.  1 Corinthians 13:12 explains, "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."  It is difficult for me to comprehend what Craig must be experiencing so I hold on to what the Bible teaches us of Heaven, and know that there will be a day when wondering is laid to rest.  

To Craig,

I miss the way you told stories, complete with very believable sound effects, especially ones that involved tools and opening doors.  I miss the way you and Jon would become like 12 year old boys in the presence of RC Cars.  I miss your laughter even if it was at my expense.  I will never forget the first text message I received ever- "Boo!"- and I was terrified because I didn't know what a text message was or who sent it.  You laughed so hard and I felt really stupid, but it's worth the smile now.  I miss your insight.  I miss your gratefulness for small acts of kindness.  Your politeness was a rarity in this age.  You never failed to thank me for dinner, even if it was atrocious.  The last time you came over, I had botched a meal with black beans.  As a novice cook, I didn't soak the dried beans first, and you crunched politely through your helping, assuring me they were fine.  It sounds silly, but I've always regretted that the last meal I fed you was a poor one.  I miss your joy over the simple things in life. Everything was, "Sweet!"  Life was that much better when you just got a new huge toolbox that was better than everyone else's.  I remember you, Jon, and I taking the boat out one night and promising to do it more regularly.  You were just content to float along in silence, loving life and a relaxing moment.  I miss our conversations.  Every time you told me about a girl that piqued your interest, I would get so excited, hoping she was the One.  I would gush to Jon about how cute you were at your attempts to make an impression; like when you asked Jon to teach you how to play the guitar because you wanted to impress a girl you met.  Who was she?  But the most memorable conversation for me took place one night while we were out walking.  "I'm so happy now, Katie," you said, as you explained what a difference knowing salvation in Christ had made for you.  I know you are immeasurably happy now and for that, I thank God.  Today, I just miss you.  And tomorrow I will miss you. But every day is just one day closer to not missing you anymore.  With love, Katie